Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
