Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
