I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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