dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
