I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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