She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize