I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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