If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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