I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize