areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I look better un-naked...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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