My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
