I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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