it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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