We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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