im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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