She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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