i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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