He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
