Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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