on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
