so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
