I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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