My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
