Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
