But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
