Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
