and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize