I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
