I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
