After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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