omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
