Will you blow on my dice?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
