I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
