dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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