I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
