u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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