my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
