i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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