What a fucking waste of an outfit
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
