Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
