oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
