Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize