you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
