I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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