Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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