You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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