If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
