a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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