Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
