now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
