I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
