And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
