so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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