Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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