hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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