The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
