is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
