My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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