i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
