I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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