my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
