and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
