I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
