Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
