Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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