I think my fart just growled at me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
