I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
