We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
