Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
