Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
