If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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