ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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