Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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