I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
