its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
