Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
