Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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