You really coming over, don't trick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
