Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize