I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
