don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
