What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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