3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
