So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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