girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need water and some morals
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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