Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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