I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How external is "for external use only"?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
